Have you ever had a moment where you learn something, and you think to yourself, "Ok, this is hard, but I understand it better now." And then after a while, maybe even quite a while, you recall that moment, and then think to yourself, "I'm clueless." Yeah, that's pretty much my life.
|SkyTop Orchard - October|
I was looking over old posts today and saw a reoccurring theme, that has yet to go away. I need to learn how to trust Him with my future. I don't like to move on, because I don't see how anything else can be better, or even good, but every time I move on when He leads me too, I am blown away by how the "good" I had wasn't as good as I thought, and how much better His way really is. I have learned this lesson over and over, and it will probably always be something I have to learn because just like Aslan and Lucy, as I grow bigger, so does He.
I never thought that I would be where I'm now. I don't think anyone else did either. Much to everyone else's chagrin I have never seen a purpose in going to college, because He had never approved it. I didn't know that at the time, I just thought it was my own fear and indecisiveness that kept me from doing something, but now I see that it was all His timing. I first heard about the Academy just a few weeks before I returned to the U.S., when I needed somewhere to go, and for the first time ever, after only a couple of days of thinking about it, I was sold on the idea and ready to be there, even though I knew next to nothing about it. It just didn't feel wrong, like everything else did.
|The Logos production of "Hero"|
When it came time to actually go to the Academy, I was afraid again because I didn't know anyone there, and I was/am ready to leave home because home isn't really home anymore, but in my mind going back means failing, so if I took the first step, I couldn't go back. But now I don't want to.
It would take a lifetime to explain the Academy, but it is everything I have ever wanted, but didn't know how to put into words. The ability to use theatre as a one on one ministry with kids, is something that I never knew how to combine before, but it's what I wanted long before I even knew the Academy existed.
|The Logos production of "Sounds of Christmas"|
The best part though, is the people. I think I know how to explain them even less. I have never known people who truly live out their walk with God minute by minute, day by day, quite the way these people do. They aren't perfect, but they choose to set aside things that might even be good, for things that are excellent instead, and not just on Sundays. If you don't know what that's like, I don't know how to tell you. It's something you have to see for yourself. It's something that I knew should be real, but hadn't seen up close before.
People think that being alone is just based on the number of people who are in a room with you, but its not. Alone is a mental state that goes far beyond that, and it can't be remedied by anything you do, but only by what Christ can do.
|The Academy of Arts staff/intern Christmas party|
He can take someone broken. Someone who was born with alone-ness in their head. Someone who's fear is mostly of themselves. Someone who hurts when things are happy because it can't be real. Someone like me. A misfit if ever there was one, but He can even use me. I have always been the crazy one, but I just might have found my crazy clan, and for some reason, they seem to like me too, despite myself.
The Academy is a family where faith in Christ, and talents are combined. No matter who you are, you can do something, and if you're good at something, it can be used. All to the glory of Him who loved us first.
It doesn't get any better than that.